“I’m not a bad girl or a good girl, I’m just a woman who enjoys life. I don’t fit into any box or category people try to put me in, I don’t need a label or any of that. I’m just me.”
On my way to meet Sarah, I must admit I was a bit nervous. I made a mistake before our meeting. Something I try never to do. I stalked her Facebook a few days before our get together. I don’t normally do this as I want to go meet my strangers as an open book with no preconceived biases about who they are. I failed to follow my own rules for some strange reason this time.
The reason I was nervous is that I was somewhat intimidated by her when stalking her Facebook. I could tell she had very strong opinions. I also had concluded that there may be quite a bit we don’t see eye to eye on. Suffice to say, I will never break that rule again.
As I nervously approached Sarah sitting at Starbucks I noticed she was reading. I looked at the title of the book she was reading and it said “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F” (I wont spell out the whole title as I try to keep these PG) Ok, so my preconceived biases look like they might be correct.
Sarah was born in Thompson Manitoba. Sarah’s parents are from Pakistan. She told me it was difficult growing up in town where she was the only “brown” girl at school. She said up until grade 7 she was picked on for being different at school. She told me she liked learning, but didn’t like going to school. She felt very isolated.
Life was not easy for Sarah’s family. At the age of 10, Sarah’s mother was diagnosed with Leukemia. She told me her mother was extremely strong (she called her a firecracker) and was diagnosed with cancer 5 different times. She said her mom and dad tried their best to hide as much from Sarah and her siblings about her mom’s health as possible. Her parents wanted their children to just be kids growing up. They knew she was ill, but her parents did not want this to impact their children.
Sarah talked a great deal about her mom throughout the two hours we spent together. I could tell she still held a lot of pain over this. She told me her mother was her biggest role model in life who taught her that you only get one shot at life and you need to always live life to the fullest.
While in Toronto, Sarah met her future husband, who was from England. They were married on chilly minus 56-degree day in Thompson Manitoba. Shortly after being married, they decided to move to England. They moved to a place called Leeds which is 200 miles north of London. She enjoyed life in England but found it quite a bit different from Canada. She found it to be a real culture shock. She said there is much less integration of the various cultures, and a great deal of racism. She told me that people would follow her home from things like shopping and then shout racial slurs at the edge of her driveway. She did say however that living there did allow her to get more in touch with her culture; something she never really got to experience back in Canada.
An educator by profession, Sarah found work in event management in England. She told me that she really enjoyed it, but also found it to be a very male dominant industry full of sexism. Eventually she found work teaching event management at a university and really enjoyed that.
It was around this time that Sarah’s mother became ill again. Sarah and her husband rushed back to Canada to be with her. She said her mother was such a survivor that she hung on. It was time to get back to England and back to work. She told me as she was driving away, watching her mom waving goodbye from the window, every part of her told her to get out of the car and go back to her mom. She didn’t however and returned to England. Six days later she got another call from her father saying that they needed to come back as soon as possible. They rushed back in time for Sarah to say goodbye. A day later Sarah’s mother and Sarah’s role model in life had passed away. Sarah told me this was a major turning point in her life. She really started to think about all the values her mom stood for. Her strength, her ability to not give a “you know what” about what others thought of her. This is the woman Sarah wanted to emulate.
A month later, back home in England Sarah found out she was pregnant. After her daughter was born, her and her husband really started to think about where they wanted to raise her. They thought about all the violence and racism and decided to return to Winnipeg to raise their daughter in 2010. Although Sarah’s husband does miss England, they love living in Winnipeg.
Sarah talked a lot about her daughter. She loves being a mother and told me it is the greatest thing she has ever done. I didn’t doubt that statement in the least as her eyes beamed with joy when she discussed her daughter.
Being a Muslim, I had to ask her about faith. Sarah explained to me that she does identify with her faith but not necessarily with religion. She credits her parents for her values. Her parents were not rigid and taught her to always explore and question and find answers that made sense to her. She then went on to explain her faith. She told me she believes that there is only one God and that is the same God regardless of what religion you practice. Her faith is quite simple. She said it is to treat all people with respect and how you would expect to be treated. Then she told me if you have enough, make sure you give to others. And lastly, don’t beat other people over the head with your own beliefs. And that pretty much summed up her faith. It was at that moment I realized how far off the mark I was about Sarah. I thought there was a chance we may not see eye to eye on a lot of things. It turns out, I couldn’t admire and agree with Sarah more. I loved what she was saying and for some strange reason blurted out to her as she was in mid sentenced that “I really liked her.” Thankfully she didn’t look at me as I was too odd for saying that. Although I am sure she thought it.
I asked Sarah if she has any regrets in life. She told me she has spent far too much of her life caring what other people think about her. This has meant she hasn’t been able to experience all the things in life she could have. She did say though that that has changed as she has gotten older. She told me she doesn’t really fit into any box that people try to put other people in and she is ok with that. She told me as a woman she has had to fight all her life to be taken seriously. She knows she is opinionated and doesn’t apologize for that. Although she is opinionated she welcomes people to challenge her on her beliefs. She loves to entertain a variety of opinions. She added that too many take disagreements and discussions personally. That no longer bothers her though. If someone chooses to get upset at her for her opinions its because they have chosen to be upset with her and that is their problem and not hers. Sarah then said that one of her goals is to instill a sense of self in her daughter that it took far too many years for her to discover.
I then asked Sarah where she see’s herself in five years. Very quickly she responded “hopefully exactly where I am now.” She said she sees too many people chasing dreams and financial wealth. She said she doesn’t spend time worrying about those types of things. She has a good job (she is a teacher at Red River College) a home and a beautiful family. What more could anyone ask for? She then told me she used to read self help books. Those books focus on what you are lacking in life and what you need to do to improve your life. She told me one day she started to ask herself why do you need to improve your life and by who’s standard? Isn’t it more important to just enjoy your life? She told me the day she started to realize this is the day everything in her life fell into place. ‘Author’s note:’ one of the most profound things a stranger has said to me yet!!
Sarah also mentioned she writes a blog. I told her I can’t wait to read it, but it will have to be after I am done writing my story about her. I have a hunch I know what I will be doing tonight. You can find her blog here: http://thesarahkhan.com/
Eventually Sarah had to get to work and it was time for us to say goodbye. We both agreed how much fun getting together was and that we will for sure do it again soon.
Thank you for taking the time to meet with me Sarah. You are such a fascinating person. I can’t tell you how lucky I feel to have met you. I hope we can one day be friends as I found you so incredibly intelligent, engaging and honest.